Recently, I was tasked with a dilemma whether or not to date a married man. This guy was my high school crush. He was the guy that I wanted to have as my boyfriend. He was smart, tall, handsome, and every girl had to have him. Things with us didn't work out because the guy was afraid to approach me. At the time, he and ex-boyfriend were basketball teammates. A chance meeting brought us into each other’s proximity, again. We exchanged numbers and started talking about the past and the reasons why we never acted on our feelings. Of course, he reiterated on how he didn't want to step on my ex-boyfriend’s toes, but wished he had.
I learned through conversation that he was married and finally wanted to pursue a relationship with me. He said that he would find time to spend with me. He had the “Married Men” lines in order. He recited: We are together for the children, we don’t communicate like before, I’m not happy with her, she don’t pay attention to me so, she will not find out about us, and I am thinking about leaving her. BLAH, BLAH, doesn’t this sound like a Lifetime Movie?
Well, let’s pondered over the pros and cons with dating a married man. Cons are: Do I want a relationship without direction that may be headed toward being damaging, heartbreaking or a waste of my time? Will I be able to tolerate him swinging between me and his family’s lives? Do I want to accept that I will NEVER be 100% happy, because I am always hiding from his loved ones? Do I want to be labeled as a “home wrecker”? Or lastly, do I want to be the OTHER WOMAN?
The pros are: If I do not want a commitment and willing to accept that he does not want to be committed to me, he can’t monitor my schedule or control what I do, you don’t have to do his laundry or cook for him and lastly, I can date other people and so can he. With all of that being said, there are no pros to dating a married man, PERIOD!
So, I came up with the following conclusions regarding dating a married man. Women must understand the divorce he promised, will never happen. He may tell his “mistress” that she is the number one in his life, but in reality she is his well-kept secret. He will cheat on his mistress with someone else. Married men do not leave their wives, for the “other woman”. If he does leave, please believe he isn’t leaving for that woman! One word comes to mind when you look at everything I have stated, COMPLICATION! This isn't Hollywood, with "perfect' or "fairytale" endings with dating a married man.